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Wednesday, August 20, 2008

description of a messy room

As I entered the room, I was almost throw back by the overwhelming wall of stench wafting from old gym socks left to ferment, the pungent odor of rotting food and random animal droppings from long dead pets. The first thins that hit my eyes like sledgehammers were empty pizza boxes in a stack to rival the empire state building, cloths on the floor that hadn't been worn in months, candy wrappers so old, they had evolved into new life forms, half completed puzzles under feet of dust, there was homework left from before the cold war, old dictionaries that lacked the words E-mail and Quiz, CDs scattered like UFOs trying to capture the wild frontier, and this was just the top layer.
Underneath all this, there were old action hero figures from previous decades, old awards (the Rochester High most organized student award), old magazines with articles about Paul Newman’s first hit movie, old ‘Pac-Man’ game cartridges, pens, pencils, and paper scattered like a hurricane had hit a stationary store and dumped the contents here, old pins saying “Vote Nixon”, graying photos of long forgotten trips to long forgotten places.
And under all the random topsoil of discarded objects rapidly deteriorating, was a knee-deep layer of mulch currently being infested with compost worms consisting of prehistoric snacks, various fossils of animals trapped in the tar pits below, insects in amber, a Viking ship or two incased in ice, and finally, my humanities project. I had been wondering where in my room I had left it.

5 comments:

Niki Sirihorachai said...

Alex,
Wow, this was a great paragraph, except you put too much information in a sentence, and it was hard to follow. You also had some run-on sentences. The way you described the messy room gave me a sharp picture on how a messy room looked like, and you also gave me more than i wanted to know on the messy room. You used alot of descriptive words, some that i never knew. The story gave a very strong view
Good job,
Niki

Subin said...

Alex, your paragraph is really really well written! I like the choices of your vocabulary and how you used them! Maybe you can summarize it alittle bit and make it more fluent. But I really like the way you make people have a vivid image about your room.
Nice job!!

Unknown said...


Amazing!

Unknown said...

Rubbish

Senpai said...

Here is an upgraded one:

As I entered the room, I was almost thrown back by the overwhelming wall of stench wafting from old gym socks left to ferment, the pungent odour of rotting food, and random animal droppings from long-dead pets. The first things that hit my eyes like sledgehammers were empty pizza boxes in a stack to rival the Empire State Building, clothes on the floor that hadn't been worn in months, candy wrappers so old, they had evolved into new life forms, half-completed puzzles under feet of dust, there was homework left from before the cold war, old dictionaries that lacked the words E-mail and Quiz, CDs scattered like UFOs trying to capture the wild frontier, and this was just the top layer.

Underneath all this, there were old action hero figures from previous decades, old awards (the Rochester High most organised student award), old magazines with articles about Paul Newman’s first hit movie, old ‘Pac-Man’ game cartridges, pens, pencils, and paper scattered like a hurricane had hit a stationary store and dumped the contents here, old pins saying "Vote Nixon," and greying photos of long-forgotten trips to long-forgotten places.

And under all the random topsoil of discarded objects rapidly deteriorating, was a knee-deep layer of mulch currently being infested with compost worms consisting of prehistoric snacks, various fossils of animals trapped in the tar pits below, insects in amber, a Viking ship or two encased in ice, and finally, my humanities project. I had been wondering where in my room I had left it.